Linger in my mind a while

     First grade and I was the smartest girl in the class, but my mispronounced name told me to put my hand down. 

     Third grade and I just wanted to run, but the jiggle of my thighs told me to stop showing off.

     Fifth grade and I wanted to be friends with the pretty soccer girls, but the hair on my knuckles told me to know my place.

     Seventh grade and I figured out how the world worked. I took the road most traveled and left myself behind.

Now I am pretty,

Now I am skinny,

   Now I am just a shape.

This music feels like a new life

     the thumping bass drowns out my beating heart and I open my mouth to try out these new words but they come out as tiny, soundless bubbles.

               Seen but not heard, felt but not understood. 

I watch him grab her, watch her shoulders stiffen, and wonder why doesn't she say anything? 

Then I feel a hand on my lower back and understand
 Shapes are made to be touched. 

Now I am a fire.

Touch me, I dare you.

The flame you thought would burn me became the embers for my ignition

Would killing me bring you strength?

I hope so.